Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
two words: eviction party
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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