You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
