im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
