Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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