how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
