Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
