Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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