we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
