Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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