Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize