I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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