I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
