I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
