is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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