he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
