Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
