well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
