Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
