My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
