woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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