And the cops told us we were all naked.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
