please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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