You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
