Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
