marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Two words: nipple clamps
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