This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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