Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize