It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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