also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I will pee on everything he values.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
