my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
