my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize