Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
