My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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