The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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