smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
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