what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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