Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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