I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
