someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize