You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
