I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
