is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
