Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
