exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
