so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Boobs are out for the taking
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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