I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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