i may or may not be watching the land before time
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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