im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
