did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
