I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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