I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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