addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
