Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Randomize