Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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