I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
