dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
