I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Betty ford says i'm here all night
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you inspire me to be a worse person
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
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