Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
