it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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