I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
