He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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