i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Alive.
So much puke
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
