and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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