Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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