You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
