Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
