Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
