Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize