i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You made out with two different species that night
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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