yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
